The Reason

Two of my best friends called. One of them was my housemate in Bandung, and the other was my High School friend. Both of them started the conversation with a question: "So you've started working again?" in a surprise tone. I explained the situation and the background reason to my ex-housemate, and then repeated it within an hour to the latter caller :D. Basically they could understand my explanation, but the conversation got me thinking. Did I do something wrong in deciding to work again?

I should mention also that both of my friends were mothers. The first one has just resigned from her office, but she informed me that her office had asked her to work for them at home (because her kind of work was the one that could be finished at home). Good for you, mate! The second one has just gave birth to her third child and was thinking about retiring. That's why she called me, to asked about what it's like to be a full time mother. And I thought, maybe that's why their tone felt like an accusation for me. Maybe in some way, they felt betrayed by me. When they're ready to retired, I just started to work again.

Well, honestly, the decision to start working again didn't come easily. My first consideration was my children. Would it be OK if I left them at home? Would they mind if the mother who were always by their side gone for most of the days? Would they miss me? Would they have difficulties in adjusting to the new situation? Could I be strong enough to leave them everyday and work in the office, far away from them? Would I make the biggest mistake of my life?

During the selection process (which took quite a long time), I discussed it over and over again with the light of my life, my husband. I told him about those fears, and I asked him about his feeling towards me working in the office again. His replies assured me. He said, our situation now was a lot better than before, when I had to leave Reyhan to go to work at the office everyday. Back then, our rented house was not satisfying, we were far from my parents' house so it's quite difficult for them to check on Reyhan everytime, and we didn't have a reliable nanny for our child. But now, we lived in our own house in a relatively good neighborhood, it's not far from my parents' house, we had a reliable nanny who love our children sincerely, and Adek Izza was big enough to have her own activities (in other words, to start going to school even though it's only an irregular school).

His answers reminded me of my conversation with my neighbor in Japan, Mayumi. Once, she said that her children were trully hers for only three years. Why? I asked. Well, after that, they started going to school, have activities of their own and have a world of their own. More oever, the first three years of a child's life was the crucial stage of his/her life when the brain cell absorb most of the fundamental information in one's life. So I enjoyed that first 3 years immensely, she added. She also said that once all of her 3 children went to school, she would start to work. But only part time, she said. So that, when they got home, I'd be home already to welcome them. A great thinking, I said.

Looking back to those conversation and my situation now, I could say that my timing was right. Now that my babies were ready to spread their wings and explore the world, I should spare some time for myself. Working in ASEAN has become almost an obsession for me. No wonder, because I have dreamt about it since I was in high school. And now, through some unbelievable strings of events, Allah gave me an opportunity to fulfill that dream. Should I let that opportunity pass, just like that? I don't think so. That wasn't me. Especially to think that there were so many people who would gladly step in my shoe.

After a week of working here, I thought my children had no difficulties in adapting to the new situation. Moreover, now that I have no deadlines, I could give them my full attention once I got home. I never could do this before, since I have to finish the translation in time, although it meant taking break only for praying and bathing. I even ate in front of my computer sometimes! Back then, it's like my body was home but I wasn't there. I got irritated easily, especially when something interrupted my work. Now, I could play with my babies and watch their movies with them. I could teach Reyhan to read Al-qur'an and teach alphabet to Adek. In short, we enjoyed our leisure times a lot more than before.

I wasn't about to defend myself. I still think that above all, a mother should stay at home with her children. I just tried to shed some light on the reason why I decided to work in the office again. I just hoped I did make a right decision on it and would never regret it.