Uplifting Housewife

A friend of mine, who read my blog for the first time a few days ago, made a comment about it. She was surprised at the number and length of the entries. She said that no wonder I could manage to write that much, considering the fact that I don’t have anything to do alias PENGANGGURAN.

My first reaction was annoyance. How could she say that? Had she ever tried to manage house with one toddler and one boisterous 5-year-old without any help from maid or nanny? Had she ever tried to cook, clean the house, clean the kids, feed the kids and play with them while still manage to find time for herself? I don’t think so.

I remember another friend’s experience during her 3-month maternity leave. After an exhausting day with her first son (who were 2 years old) and the newborn baby, she said that she preferred working non-stop for 2 days at the office anytime than another day like that. At that time, she had a nanny and a maid helping her to cope with the housework. A nice comparison, huh?

Staying in Japan for 1,5 years had taught me a lot. For one, the experience taught me about the value of time spent with my kids. It made me realized how good it felt to be able to play in the park while enjoying the sun and the laughter of my kids. It taught me to be independent, to do as much as I could without any help from other people (well, other than my dear hubby, I mean. After all, it’s OUR family, isn’t it?). The experience also made me realize that I could do almost anything if I set my heart into it. For example, I would never know that I could cook many kinds of food if I didn’t have to stay in a country where halal foods were scarce. I’d never know that I could take care of my family by myself, and I’d never learn how to manage the family income to meet the end while still sparing some money for our hobby: traveling. I also found out that I could cut hair with a quite nice result (my family and our friend Fitri are those who had experienced my new-founded skill). I could create a beautiful and delicious cake, and so on, and so on.

In Japan, I also learn from my friends, Japanese people. Mayumi, for example, was my role model. She was a mother of three active children; her first son was 6, second son was 4 and the third one, a girl, was 2. Her husband was an engineer who leaves the house at 6 o’clock in the morning and return at 11 at night. She said that their income was not a lot, and she had to manage it so that she could fulfill all their needs and save some money for education. That’s why most of their apparels were hand-me-down from neighbors and friends. She was also very small, even for Japanese, but that didn’t stop her to go shopping on her old bike with her daughter sitting in front and her son at the back of the bike. All in all, she did almost everything by herself (as only rich people could afford to have maids in Japan).

So, every time I got frustrated and tired of the housework, I think of her. Then I thank God for everything I had, for I felt that my life was a lot easier than Mayumi’s.

There are so many housewives like Mayumi in Japan. In fact, it is common for a Japanese housewife to stay at home until their kids start school, and then they work PART TIME to help raising the family income (so that by the time their kids get home from school, they also have finished with their work). Mayumi also said to me once that the only time when she had her kids for herself was the time until they were ready for school, so she enjoyed that time very much.

Japanese people never consider the un-working mothers as unproductive. They accommodate them, by providing parks and play-houses for mothers and kids who want to spend their time playing and studying come and do anything they want, like playing, reading, painting, and organize events like taichi, singing (a play-house is a place provided by the government where anyone can and dancing. There are many things in the play-house: toys, books, paints, dolls, blocks, bikes, etc. and it’s FREE! The only regulation is that you keep them clean, play nicely and put them back after you are finish with them).

It’s a pity that we Indonesians don’t share the same way of thinking. It’s true that some women must work at the office although they hate the workload just because they had to. In a way, they contribute to increase the family income. But that doesn’t make being a career woman better than a fulltime housewife, or a fulltime housewife is less important than a career woman. I just hope that we could respect each other regardless of our occupation. Not that I’m ungrateful, though. I am thankful that my husband can make enough money for all of us without me having to leave the house to work. I am grateful that we can have decent meal and clothes everyday, with a place to call a house and a car to take us wherever we want to go.

My dear friend Diah always said that life is about making choices and living with the consequences. I can gladly say that at this moment, I choose to stay at home to raise my kids. As for the consequences, I hardly feel any except for the tight money policy :).

Back to my friends who make the first comment, I feel sorry for her. She doesn’t know how it feels to watch your kids make their first wobbly step or say their first word, or to be able to kiss and hug them anything you want, to play, sing, and dance with them. Because to me, those moments are precious. They couldn’t be replaced with anything in the world, no matter how much money you make. And when my babies place their plump little arms around me and plant their wet kisses on my cheek, I feel like the richest woman in the world.

NOTE: I’m not against career women (career woman is different from working woman. In fact, although I stay at home, I’m a working woman too who make some money doing things that I enjoy, like writing, etc.). After all, I was a career woman myself for about 5 years. But after experiencing a life as a career woman who worked at the office from 8 to 5, I must say that being a fulltime housewife is much more stressful than becoming a supervisor of some employees. And I do plan to work outside the house again sometime, but not before all my kids go to school and it would only be part-time jobs.